Tomorrow I turn 25. Let that sink in for a minute. Twenty five…..twenty five…twenty five. It definitely feels heavier whenever I say I'm turning twenty five than if I said I was turning twenty or whatever other age. If I was thirteen I would think that my future self would be getting married and thinking of having babies. Yeah, no. Not that theres anything wrong with it, I’m just not anywhere close to experiencing that. I’m not saying I feel old. I think that's it. I still see myself as a fifteen year old. Not in the lets get wasted and spend all my money part. Although that might still happen from time to time. It's in the I still don't know what I'm doing with my life part. But I think thats okay. I was one of the few who graduated first from most of my friends and started working immediately. After a year I decided to stop this train I was on and try something new. I needed time to stop for a minute. I had been on the go for so long I had forgotten what it was to just be. This past year has been in many senses my version of a sabbatical year. I travelled a lot and got out of Monterrey every chance I got. Whenever I got paid, I would immediately spend it on a trip, new shoes or expensive tea. I got a chance to travel to Southeast Asia (more stories on that later) and just explore and pretend to be a dirty hippie for a while. I was not “looking for something” or trying to find answers I couldn’t get here at home. I just wanted to travel. The moment I came up with the idea of traveling I knew I had to do it, there was no going back. I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone and check off an item of my bucket list and yes, I had the greatest time ever. Unfortunately you would think this “calling” for traveling would end when your trip is over. I pretty much opened Pandora’s box and can’t wait for whatever next adventure is waiting for me.
Now that I’m coming full circle, I am trying to see what’s next. I’ve realized this is what your twenties are for. To explore different scenarios, to fuck up, to excel, to grow as a person and find yourself as an adult. I can try and pretend to say I know whats ahead, but the reality is that I don’t know, and thats also okay. Not that I’m not doing anything to figure it out, I just know it will take time for my adult life to take form. I’ve spent so much time in my head thinking of tomorrow that I have now made it a point to yes, plan for whats ahead, but also just to enjoy my coffee in the morning or my hike later this afternoon.
I would like to finish this little entry with some wise words or with a great conclusion as to why I decided to write this. Sorry to disappoint. I’m not a big birthday person, I do like the attention and gifts, who doesn’t? But I always find myself stressing trying to plan something or making sure theres enough chips for everyone so I just thought it would be nice to take a little time to reflect on whats happened, whats going to happen, and write a little entry for me. Strangely this has been one of the best birthday weekends/weeks that I’ve had so far.
Note to self: plan less, do more, and just go with the flow.